Don’t Let Boys Be Mean To You

My mother is a huge doormat.

Growing up, she always impressed upon me the importance of forgiveness, whether or not the party in the wrong deserves it–or even wants it. It’s no wonder that she stayed married to the same abusive man (my father) for 17 years until he died or why she was willing to let me suffer the daily torment of bullying until I was on the verge of suicide at age 13.

But that’s our burden as women: having to excuse bad behavior. Because if we don’t, when we speak up against the ones who are doing us wrong, we’re labeled as bitches, or that we’re too sensitive, or that we can’t take a joke, or maybe it’s that time of the month. Either way, our legitimately hurt feelings are just labeled as us being overly emotional, and are dismissed. And that’s wrong.

I had a bunch of guy “friends” in school, most of which thought it was hilarious to tease me and insult me nearly to the point of tears. I took their harassment and belittlement, because I knew if I protested, I would be considered too much of a girl to hang with the big boys. When I was 17, I once asked myself why I hated spending time with my friends. At age 21, I now realize they were never my friends in the first place.

But I’ve realized that no matter what friendships you think you’re losing, you have to stand up for yourself. You can’t just let bad behavior slide because “boys will be boys”. Boys will never develop empathy or compassion until we make them listen to us. So if someone is making you feel upset or comfortable, speak up. If you can see that your friend is being hurt by someone else’s words, don’t just laugh along with their abuser. We’ve been letting boys be mean to us just for the sake of getting them to like us for far too long, and it’s completely unacceptable. ~TRL

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Our Last Day Of Freedom

The Internet is a great place, isn’t it? On the Internet, a Swedish kid with a webcam can pretend to be scared by video games and make an assload of money for every 10 minute video he cranks out onto YouTube. You can connect with anyone on the globe who has a computer, whatever pornography you want is probably somewhere out there, and a surly autistic white girl like myself can rant about TV shows till the cows come home.

For the poor and oppressed of America, the Internet was our land of milk and honey. In a world where money speaks louder than real human voices, a free platform like this was the only real way that we stood a chance to be heard. But no more.

Today is the end of the free Internet.

If you’ve been on the Internet for longer than a week, you’ve probably heard of net neutrality. And today marks the FCC’s repeal of it. Essentially, this gives big Internet service providers like Comcast and Time Warner the power to regulate their customers’ access to the Internet. Before today, all Internet services and websites were equally accessible thanks to net neutrality.

What does this mean for you, dear reader? Well, say you have a Netflix account. But say that your Internet provider has their own streaming service that they want to push onto their customers. They now have the power to slow your Netflix service down to the point of not being able to use it…unless of course, you pay extra for access to it. Think of it as a cable company selling you channel packages…except on the Internet instead of satellite TV.

This is capitalist greed at its finest. Politicians and big corporations do supervillain team ups like this all the time. A free idea exchange like the Internet is a threat to a totalitarian like Donald Trump. So he and his administration would do anything to shut us up. Like…getting in bed with big businesses that can manipulate the system and squeeze money out of their customers if certain restrictions on their power are removed.

Although weirdly enough, Chancellor Tiny Hands isn’t the culprit this time (at least, not directly). The man responsible for the repeal of net neutrality is a stocksucking reject character from The Big Bang Theory named Ajit Pai. He is currently the chairman of the FCC (put into that position by guess who?). Pai cares more about cozying up to ISP fat cats and his stupid fucking giant Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups novelty mug than the American people’s right to fair access to information, and the right to share it.

This isn’t just about the ability for bleeding heart feminazi Marxists like me getting to bitch about…whatever. This concerns everyone. From the college grad student doing research for their dissertation, from the unemployed stoner watching porn in their mom’s basement. This is just one more way your government is stealing your voice. We all need to prepare ourselves for a new age in America. Because this could be our last day of freedom. ~TRL

The “Conservative Intellectual” Drinking Game

It’s very simple! Take drink every time these words or phrases are mentioned:

  • “Leftist”
  • “agenda”
  • “white genocide”
  • “cultural Marxism”
  • “fake news”
  • “cuck”
  • “virtue signaling” or “white knighting”
  • “Dunning-Kruger effect”
  • “PC culture”
  • “Liberal bias”

Then, also drink every time it’s claimed that feminism is ruining our culture, a white boy thinks he can use the n-word, or anytime the Nazis are defended. And you must down an entire bottle of sake whenever one of these guys preaching to you from a YouTube video is named after an ancient Mesopotamian ruler or has a skull sitting in the background of his room. Keep drinking. Just keep drinking. Don’t stop drinking till you black out from intoxication and exposure to arrogant stupidity and hatred. ~TRL

11/1/17 – Halloween Costumes

Hey Raspberries, just thought I’d share my Halloween costumes from this year with you. And I’m throwing in last year’s too because I think I forgot to.

2017a: Wonder Woman

(I normally like to make my own costume, but this year I didn’t really have the time, energy, or funds, so I just bought this one online and made alterations to it. I took the skirt way up, because originally it was below my knee.)

I’m also including a link to a makeup tutorial I made for this costume.

2017b: Dean Winchester

This one was for a Halloween social thrown by a student org. My friend and I went together. She dressed up as Castiel (she went all out with the genderbent makeup, I didn’t because I’m lazy trash).

(Destiel is our OTP lol.)

2016: Fem!Spock

I actually did make the dress for this costume. It’s painfully obvious that this was the first full garment I’d ever made. The wig was a 70s style wig with bangs that I cut straight across to resemble Spock’s infamous hairstyle. Here’s a link to the makeup tutorial for that costume, where I shaved off half my eyebrows.

I love Halloween; it’s the best holiday ever. ~TRL

New Beginnings

Today was my first day at my new university…and man, was I trepidacious.

Uprooting yourself from what you’re acclimatized to is always a traumatic experience. I had to leave my school, my teachers, my apartment, and my friends all back in Waco. A new start. And this time, I didn’t really want one.

However…it hasn’t been the awful experience I was dreading.

My apartment is nice. Bigger bedroom, bigger closet, my own bathroom! Bliss, thy name is privacy. Also, no more crummy bitch monsters as roommates. The three girls I’m living with now are nice, considerate, and friendly. They actually invite me to do things with them! The other day we all went to a comedy show at our school together, and yesterday we went to one of those Paint-A-Plate places and got froyo afterward, then went for a late night swim. This is what the college experience is supposed to be, not hiding in your bedroom watching Netflix because your roommates hate you.

So, the first day. First of all, my new campus is sprawling compared to my old one. As I mapped out my schedule, I realized with some despondency that I had quite the daily trudge ahead of me.

My first class was Writing For Mass Media. I…don’t really have an impression of it yet. The teacher just introduced herself, told us which book to buy, that was pretty much it. I guess we’ll see.

After that, I had History of Costume, and on my way there I made two interesting discoveries: tomorrow night, there’s a “lavender mixer” for LGBT+ students. Shoot, you know I’m going to that! Where my people at? But what am I going to wear?

The other discovery was…Brian! An old friend of mine from high school. Brian was one of the few theatre kids who wasn’t a total asshat. (His name isn’t actually Brian, but I changed it to protect his identity.) Seeing Brian, to me, was a good omen that maybe, everything here would be okay.

When I signed up for History of Costume, I thought I was signing up for an easy A – boy, was I ever wrong. The teacher walked in and immediately referred to herself as Satan. Never a good sign. I also found out that I have to write a 10 page term paper on costumes from a historic movie. Oh well. I do like a challenge. And after writing a goddamn 26 page paper on trans bathroom rights issues for US Government this past spring, this is gonna be no sweat.

My last class today was Intro To Visual Arts (it’s just for a credit). This one was on the completely opposite corner of campus. I only had five minutes to get there. Needless to say, I was a little late. But the teacher is cool, and I explained my situation, and she said it was fine if I came in a few minutes after class started, that lots of students had that problem. God, college professors are such angels.

So the verdict for this day?…surprisingly okay. I’m definitely gonna have to get myself in shape for all this hiking I have to do (and maybe invest in a good pair of walking shoes), but overall, I had a pretty damn good first day.

They say girls go to college to get more knowledge. Well I’ve been in college long enough to know that the first day is always the easiest – it’s all uphill from here.

Oh well. At least my last class is next to a Taco Bell. Olé. ~TRL 🌮

Why All The Villains Are Gay

More than likely, you’ve watched a TV show or movie where the protagonist and their same sex opponent have…weird sexual chemistry. Maybe the villain gets up in the main guy’s personal space; maybe they make lewd innuendoes; maybe they tell the hero they were meant to be together or something. Sounds romantic, almost, in a really twisted way.

I’ve been thinking about this lately, about why a lot of villains are Ambiguously Gay, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not a matter of homophobia (necessarily). Let me explain. On my blog post about Hannigram, I talked a bit about enemyslash, and why I thought Bryan Fuller chose to inject his series with an overdose of homoerotic subtext (if it can even be called subtext anymore). I mentioned that it was Hannibal’s intention to seduce Will to the dark side. Emphasis on the word seduce. In a similar fashion, Passion Of The Nerd covered the lesbian subtext between Buffy Summers and Faith Lehane in Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Faith represents Buffy’s shadow self, Slayer power left unchecked. If Faith is symbolic of temptation to act out of selfish wants instead of duty and the desire to do good, it would make sense, then, that Faith would be…tempting.

Often times in film and television, the main character’s archnemesis reflects them, is their dark half, like Iago in Shakespeare’s Othello. A classic archetype for this equation is Professor Moriarty from Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes adventures. Both Holmes and Moriarty are geniuses, but whereas Holmes uses his wits to defeat crime and do good, Moriarty employs his in committing the crimes. Which is why BBC Sherlock, a slow burn gay romance between the famous consulting detective and his army doctor life mate, has produced one of the most overtly homosexual Moriartys in Holmes canon history (thank you, Moffat and Gatiss).

Usually, the dark mirror half can recognize themself in the light mirror half, and wants to combine their forces to be even stronger. Thus, the villain must seduce the protagonist to the dark side. To better mirror the two characters, they’re often made the same gender (since, you know, men and women can’t be equals, right?), so when you produce Doctor Evilman trying to coax Goodguy Heromale to the dark side, ho yay is bound to follow.

Course, I could be completely wrong and it could all be a plot for the viewing public to associate queerness with being evil, but I like to think positively, you know? ~TRL

4-30-16

Hey, guys. I’m just going to be a little introspective here.

So, I’m an artist. And being an artist, as my professor always says, means taking risks. But lately, I’ve noticed, I’ve been curling more and more into myself at the fear of failure. Too afraid to sing out, or try for a part in a play, or even answer a question because I’m just so scared.

You know, all my life, I’ve had nothing but people at every turn telling me how wrong I am. That I’ll never do better than second place, I’ll never quite make the mark, I can’t do anything right – okay. Maybe that’s not people. Maybe that’s me. But all my little failures and embarrassments over the years have just built up and built up and built up into this inferiority complex. You’re not smart. You’re not capable. You can’t do anything. Why do you bother getting up in the morning? Just stay in bed and binge on Netflix forever. You’ll never be good enough, at anything. Just stop.

It’s the reason why I haven’t been able to bring myself to practice my music or memorize any lines for anything lately, because I am just so sad and so tired of fighting for nothing and so beaten. I didn’t know, at first, what was wrong with me. I used to be so driven. I just feel like a chump in everyone’s eyes. A nothing. A big, fat, loser.

Then I realized: they see me that way because I see me that way. I have taught myself to believe that I can’t accomplish anything, so I don’t work hard, and then I fail, and then people believe that I’m a loser, which makes me believe I’m a loser, which makes me give up, which makes me fail…and so on, and so on, and so on.

I used to watch this cartoon when I was little, called Rescue Heroes. And there was one episode, one quote, that always stuck with me: “The only real failure is giving up.”

Maybe I’m the one who has to break this vicious cycle. And no, it’s not so easy to believe in yourself, to learn how to love yourself. But I have to believe that there’s hope. And maybe…that has to start with me. ~TRL