Why I Love “The Time Monster”

In a word: the ’70s. No wait, that’s two words. Oh, whatever.

  • The Third Doctor’s fabulous, flamboyantly scarlet smoking jacket suit. I mean, any given Third Doctor outfit is awesome, but this one takes the f**king cake.
  • The whole serial beginning with the Doctor having a dream about lying in a chaise lounge while the Master stands over him, roaring, “Welcome…welcome to your new Master!” Time Lords apparently have a strange idea of pr0n.
  • The idea of the Doctor telling the Brig he better go on red alert because he’s just had a dream about the Master, while the Brig just sits there thinking, “TMI, dude. TMI.”
  • Momentary Jo and Captain Yates flirting. Eeeeeeeee!
  • TOMTIT…really?
  • Super Bessie!
  • The Master talking on the phone with Benton while imitating the Brigadier. It’s pretty damn priceless.
  • The whole exchange between Benton and the Master about “the oldest trick in the book” probably made Roger Delgado my favorite person of the month.
  • The Doctor offhandedly mentioning how he and the Master used to play tricks on each other and ruin each other’s experiments at the Academy. D’awww, much Theta Sigma/Koschei love.
  • Time-ramming and TARDISes inside of each other. Well at least the Doctor and the Master’s TARDISes are having sex, even if they aren’t. The Doctor even says that his TARDIS is “temperamental when she’s aroused”. Oh, come on! Is no one proofreading these scripts?!
  • UNIT in slow motion.
  • Jo Grant is simply on fire in this episode, with her knee high yellow boots. And she’s got rather a nice coccyx too. 🙂
  • The Master being a smug bastard about having Time Locked the Doctor’s TARDIS. I’m telling you, Roger Delgado is the f**king best in this episode!
  • The Doctor and the Master’s whole scene with the speakers and the telepathic circuits (Bonus points for Jon Pertwee speaking backwards!). Flirting: you’re doing it right.
  • All the pseudo-scientific jargon kind of gets me hot and bothered. (And the readers are like, TMI, Red Lady.)
  • Sergeant Benton is the cutest baby ever!!!!!!
  • “You can’t turn me off, can you?” Oh, Doctor, you flirty son of a bitch.
  • “All or nothing, literally! What a glorious alternative!” Master, bb, ILUSM right now.
  • Jo: “That’s the most cruel, most wicked thing I ever heard!”
    Master: “Thank you, my dear.” No, seriously, stop it. Stop being so awesome!
  • Whoa, are the Master and this Galleia chick flirting? Excuse me while I go write a jealous Three fic.
  • Okay, no, I take it back. Dalios metaphorically bitch slapping the Master’s ego with his inability to be hypnotized makes him my favorite person of the month.
  • The Master’s face when he realizes his arch nemesis/true love is alive. This brings new meaning to the phrase, “OH S**T!” And winning sass from Jo as well. This all makes for a highly amused Whovian.
  • As usual, a nice bit of Venusian akido from Three. And then that badass mother**ker bullfights the Minotaur!
  • The Master is just rubbing it in the Doctor’s face that he’s with this hot Atlantian queen now. It’s the ultimate moment of “this could be us but you playin’.”
  • “How about time ram?” Yes, please, boys. Do time ram.
  • And in the last moment, the Master gets on his knees, cries like a lil’ bitch, and begs for the Doctor to forgive him for hitting on the Atlantian lady with the big boobies save him from Kronos. The Doctor’s never going to let you live that one down, Master.

By the way, I just want to apologize for all the Doctor/Master stuff. Sorry…not sorry. At all. Heeheeheeheeheeheehee. 😉