Q: Where does a king keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies!
A boy asks a girl to go with him to prom. She says yes. He goes to buy tickets and has to wait in the ticket line. He goes to rent a limo and has to wait in the limo line. Before he takes the girl to the dance, they go out to dinner and the boy has to wait in the food line. When they got to the dance, the girl asked him to get her some punch, and there was no punchline.
Q: What did the tie say to the hat?
A: “You go on ahead, I’ll hang around.”
A monk wants to open a flower stand, so he goes to the bank to take out a loan. But on the way, a sheep attacks and kills him. So the moral of the story is, only ewes can prevent florist fryers.
Q: What do Winnie The Pooh and Jack The Ripper have in common?
A: Same middle name.
“How’d that intruder get in?!”
Why did Timmy fall off the swing?
He had no arms.
Q: What kind of bees make milk?
Two strings walk into a bar. The first tries to order something. “I don’t serve strings in this bar,” the bartender says roughly and throws him out. The second ruffs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders. “Hey, didn’t you hear what I told your buddy?” the bartender says. “Yeah,” the string says. “Aren’t you a string?” the bartender says. “I’m a frayed knot,” the string replies.
Q: What is Chuck Norris’s favorite drink?
A: Fruit punch!